Hard As Lightening?
by Blue Smarties Are Back
Summary: PHANTOM OF THE OPERA the phantom is bored after christine leaves. this is what he gets up to.my 2nd fic please r r. title is from a later chapter, but also from the song "Music of the Night" its meant to be funny but i dunno... you can be the judge of tha


'How do you conquer boredom?' The Phantom asked himself. It had only been two days since Christine left and yet, already he was bored out of his mind. He wondered about stalking another girl, or maybe going back to Christine. But he knew that would end in more conflict, more 'concerned' boyfriends trying to stab him in graveyards, and then threatening to strangle said boyfriend but deciding it wasn't in him to be so inhumane and realizing that this girl didn't love him but just said she did to save her lover.

Or something along those lines.

The Phantom wished that he could think of something to do. The opera house was actually in ruins now, seeing as he burned it down. But this didn't seem to come into the last 20 minutes of the film! Of course not! The Phantom was in fact quite annoyed that he burned down his opera house for no apparent reason. At least Collota's boyfriend was dead. Not that it was mentioned before that point she had a boyfriend.

What was he thinking? Of course she did! She was a celebrity. The star of a brilliant show. Some might even say she was beautiful, or talented. Of course, anyone who dared say such a thing would be killed immediately but that is beside the point. Especially if they had a beard. Then they definitely deserve to die.

The Phantom found another random mask lying around.

"Who keeps leaving these here?" He asked. "It's really convenient that they fit so perfectly but I still wonder where they come from!"

Anyway, he put his queries to one side and put the mask on. He then decided it was time to venture out.

After all, he was getting hungry. Would Tesco be open at this time?

Of course it would! Its open 24 hours! What a silly question!

The Phantom realized he had struck a new low. He had watched girls through 1-way mirrors, forced them to say they love him, worn a mask to cover his hideous face, killed innocent men, burned down opera houses, sent threatening letters, swapped people's spray thingy so they can't sing. But this was a new low. He was talking to himself.

The Phantom needed professional help. And fast.

After dashing out to Tesco express and expressing his disgust that none of the curries on offer were vegetarian, buying some ginger ale, going to a local takeaway, getting a Tarka Dahl, pilau rice and naan bread, going home and pouring the oil from the top of the curry down the sink, eating the food, drinking the drink, having a wash, brushing his teeth, going to bed then realizing he hadn't put clean sheets on yet, going into the linen basket, finding sheets among all the shirts and capes, putting them on his bed and finally getting into bed only to find he wasn't that tired anymore, watching 'Never Mind the Buzzcocks' from 10 years ago on Dave, then drifting off to sleep, he went out to find a physiatrist that could help him.

It was hard. The Phantom can tell you that for nothing.

But after a struggle, a stamina and strength building struggle he managed to find a physiatrist.

"If you'd like to sit down, Mr…" he said.

"It's Mr Ghost. Opera Ghost. Or you can just call me Phantom." Phantom explained.

"Alright then, Mr Ghost." The man said, wriggling his moustache while writing some notes down on a piece of paper. "So, what made you decide to come and see me?"

"Well. I've been through a lot lately. And yesterday I caught myself talking to myself and decided it had all gone too far. After this I put my shoes on, went to Tesco…"

And for the next ten minutes the Phantom painstaking described every single event that happened to him between deciding to come here and coming here. After doing so he looked up to see the man was frantically writing notes down on his pad of paper. One he managed to see was "Obsessive compulsive ? "

What was this man, this (the Phantom let his gaze drift down from the man's moustache to his chest where a badge proudly said his name was Marcus Aderaye) Marcus Aderaye implying? There was a ? as to whether he was obsessive compulsive? What did he have to do to prove he was? Maybe mentioning Christine would clarify things.

"So, Mr Ghost," Aderaye was saying, "You mentioned you've been through a lot lately. Could you tell me what?"

"Certainly. When I was six years old, my mother decided she couldn't cope to look at my face and carted me off to a freak show. I was abused at the freak show, and after two years of torment and neglect, summoned up the courage to kill my abuser. A girl visiting the circus took pity and hid me in the basement beneath an opera house and I lived there ever since, writing beautiful music. Then about six months ago I found something else beautiful. Her name was Christine. I gave her my music, I taught her to sing. I would have given my life to her. But she betrayed me and went off with Raoul. So I killed this randomer, as you do. I then burnt down the opera house and tried to kill Raoul and threatened to do so if she didn't live with me. But in the end, I let them both go. It was for the best. I then smashed up my mirrors, so appalled at my ghastly appearance that I couldn't bear to look at myself. And then for the past couple of days I've been living alone. I then decided my life needs a new direction, you know? So I came here, to get some help."

By the end of this, Marcus Aderaye was frantically writing pages of notes. The Phantom wondered if his pencil would snap in half.

Aderaye went on to ask him many questions, to do with his feelings and actions and motives- the usual stuff. At the end of it, he gave him a piece of paper full of 'Objectives', and he had to try and do as many as possible before the next session which was scheduled for a week's time. The physiatrist said he obviously had a lot of issues from his childhood and to do with his self esteem he needed to sort out.

When he was home, Phantom looked at the piece of paper.

Opera Ghost's objectives 29/09/08

Don't kill anyone

Try not to wear the mask as much as possible

Apologize to Christine

Apologize to Raoul

Make a CV

Phantom looked at the list of impossible objectives. 5 would be possible. 1 and 2 would be… if he stayed in his dungeon. But then how could he do 3 or 4? Especially 4. He doubted he could go near that man without being killed. He wished that when Marcus had made him talk over his goals, he'd realized he would actually have to do them! He would have just said watch all of his Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD boxset or something. This was horrible!


End file.
